You know I usually don’t blog about my life often but I just wanted to clear the slate and talk about what high school was like for me. It was my freshman year and I was already feeling the angst of being a high school student. I don’t what was going on back then but I could never forget all those kids and what they see of me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a freshman in high school. It was a great experience for me but there have been those times when I felt I was being ridiculed behind my back. A bunch of teenagers thought it would be cool to mock me because I loved superheroes and I was really hurt but I didn’t let them get the best of me even though they still talk crap about my favorite comic books. Kids can be very cruel, right? Well, not all the time. Some teenagers witnessed my extraordinary talent to draw. Usually, they crowd around and watch me draw Batman or Spider-Man. It did give me the attention I deserved at the time. People would come up to me and tell me that I have an awesome talent and they request that I draw them something. Also, people always laughed at some of my wisecracks. I was cool for a while, then my Sophomore year began.
My first few days as a Sophomore was tragic. I missed my bus on my first day of school and I had to run after it as soon as it starts to drive off. The next few days weren’t as easy as I hoped. I started to develop these personality disorders in which I fall into a state of depression. I began lashing out at everyone, I withdrew myself from everybody, and I began to bury myself in my art. If only anyone would understand how I felt back then and I would get the help I deserved. I was a stranger to everyone. I wasn’t the same boy I was in my Freshman year. No, I was far different. I was dark and disturbed. At the time, I was on the verge of falling apart. I felt so alone. I was feeling low and I didn’t think I had a way out. There were even times when I wanted to drop out of school. But things started getting better around the time of the end of the school year and it was all thanks to a movie called “Iron Man”. Since I watched that movie, I began to think more positively, I started to become more tolerant, and I found a crowd for whom I could fit in.
My Junior year started and I was in full swing. I knew I was ready for a change and I felt that I can get through this. It was okay for a while but there were some scenarios in which I feel this anxiety flares coming up. I tend to get excited, I couldn’t think, and I feel that I wanted to run out of the class. However, they go away every once in a while. I started to go on with the rest of my day. I used several methods to suppress these anxiety flares such as breathing, meditation, and etc.. It was okay for a while and I was feeling alright. There are still those kids who want to torment me because I liked superheroes but I pretend to ignore them. Around that time, I was merely invincible but I was still feeling depressed. However, my depression was a bit moderate and I try to talk to someone about it. Luckily, I did find some people who understood what I was going through and it was the first time in my life that I actually opened up to someone other than my family. I never thought I would be talking to someone my own age. I found some friends for whom I could hang around with in the gym on Fridays. Most of the senior class envied me, especially the girls and some of the guys. It was the greatest year of my high school year. I got to dress up as Superman and I won my school’s pageant for it. But then everything went downhill from there…..
My senior year was by far the worst year of my life. I thought I was ready for the big leagues but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered when I tried to get attention from my fellow classmates. After all my accomplishments and achievements, I still feel depressed. The anxiety flares came back and I was feeling what I felt in my sophomore year. I began lashing out to other students and I was on the brink of losing it. Oh my god, it was hell for me. I was about to lose my mind. I started talking, I began acting crazy on several occasions, and I fall back into my deep depression. Even though I was a senior, I still get mocked by the other students over my fascination with superheroes. I began acting narcissistic and talked highly about myself on several occasions. I guess it was because Graduation Day was around the corner and I was feeling the peer pressure of college. I was just trying to race against time and get myself ready for the big day. Ugh, it was hard for me but then again, it was because life was hard. Life is hard. Well, I guess high school was trying to prepare for life. It wasn’t a prison, it wasn’t a popularity contest, it was a cocoon. It helped mold me into what I am. Life can be very strange sometime. It could throw you curve balls sometimes and you won’t know it until it hits you in the back the head. No matter what happens in life, one will thing will never change…….
I am who I am and that’s the way it’ll stay.