The Legend of EDP445

This is the story of my personal experience with a YouTuber that goes by the name of Bryant Moreland, better by the pseudonym eatdatpussy445, or EDP445 for short. What can I say about Mr. Moreland? Well, nothing really. Various YouTubers and commentators have done this man justice, to the least of my knowledge. From what I am aware of is that Bryant Moreland, or eatdatpussy445is an avid sports enthusiast as well as a vlogger on YouTube, whom is very known for his short temper and his obnoxious behavior to which can be displayed on the videos he’s produced.

My brief and somewhat short-lived fascination of this particular individual started in early August of 2017 whereas I am about to start the school semester and I am attempting to force myself into slumber as part of a mandatory routine to which I have followed since the beginning of 2014. It all started on a particular Sunday morning or afternoon in a sense. I was scrolling through my phone and decided to look on YouTube after checking my Facebook, a habit I am trying to break. I stumbled across of video made by an avid YouTuber called ThatKidDouglas whom was accompanied by his friend and partner, Brendan. Together these two gentleman observed and commentated on one of EDP’s videos to which was a rant video where he goes on a tangent about his job as a security guard at the lumber yard. Both Douglas and Brendan were very adamant to call EDP out on his senseless drivel where they produce a number of interesting points. This is a very crucial factor as a content creator. It’s a necessity to give constructive criticism as a means to help someone improve; however Mr. EatDatPussy wouldn’t know about constructive criticism, let alone accepting any form of criticism if he had known about it. In said video, EDP spoke ill of his fellow employers whom have repeatedly instructed him to remove his headphones while on the job. This ordeal did not bode well for EDP. Because, in this exact same video, EDP would shoot his mouth, spewing senseless banter consisting of lewd, obnoxious vulgarity followed by a few ethnic slurs, namely the N word. Another video was produced by ThatKidDouglas and Brendan which served as a follow-up to EDP’s previous video. Much similar to the last video, the duo would critique and commentate on EDP’s shenanigans pertaining to his failed attempts at finding steady employment. Again this behemoth would shoot his mouth off, hating on the manager who was just seemed a bit disgusted by EDP’s lack of formal attire for a job interview. He tries to explain to said manager that he just out of the gym and he didn’t have time to change into a suit and tie, which is not always necessary for a job interview.  Again, the Dynamic Duo had to call EDP out on his senseless idiocy throughout the entirety of the video. A third video was produced prior to the day EDP had his YouTube account suspended. This video was filmed on location at EDP’s place of occupation, which happens to be another security guard position at a local shopping center. At the beginning of the video, EDP went into full details of his restroom endeavors followed by his brief announcement of him unleashing a slight fart, to which Brendan and Douglas had to once again call him out for his obnoxious behavior as well as lack of decency. The latter of this video was just EDP ranting about a bunch of rambunctious teenagers which resulted in a conflict. He then shows little to no regard on the individuals age, stating that he would not hesitate to “throw hands with a 13-year-old.” This was proven to be another abject failure on the behalf of the leviathan that is known as EatDatPussy445.

Most of the videos EDP posted pertains to his undying devotion to the Philadelphia Eagles, but it’s his attitude towards their horrendous season that makes him an easy target for trollbait. EDP is known for raging against the casualties of the current football seasons whereas he curses out whomever is to blame for the outcome of the games. Based on the content in his videos, it’s become apparent that EDP is not too modest about his passions, given the circumstances of his behavior towards his detractors; mainly, his statements are flawed and illogical.

Recently, I got word that EDP had his channel allegedly terminated in mid-July and the culprit was a fellow YouTuber that goes by the name Mr. Sauce, whom has claimed to have had a beef with EatDatPussy for about some time. I’m not sure if this is true or not but I wouldn’t put it past him. Before this time, I’ve managed to find a number of roast compilations of EDP’s crazy shenanigans and I must say the content he’s produced would have been so hilarious had they not been so tragic. Don’t get me wrong, I was laughing uncontrollably as I viewed almost all five roast compilations. In one particular video, EDP addressed his abject hatred toward the fans of the Dallas Cowboys by pulling down his pants only to show what seems to be a naked posterior about the size of a planet. He then proceeds to repeatedly spank said posterior as a means of retaliation against these so-called fans. No words would describe the horrid nature of this call to arms other than absolute chaos. The sight of an obese African-American man mooning the audiences as he strikes his own ass might be unbearable and yet comical at the same time. Once I saw that very clip, I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s almost as hilarious as farting on camera following a brief description of bathroom etiquette at your place of employment. And that’s the thing with EDP. He’ll announce stuff without any sense of provocation. There was one video where he talked about one incident where his left leg fell numb following a brief period of self-gratification, i.e. masturbation.

I never thought anyone like this exactly exists, but then I was reminded of another obese moron who made an ass out of himself on camera for the whole world to see. Yes, it has been confirmed by me that Bryant Moreland, EatDatPussy445, has become the next Christian Weston Chandler, otherwise known as Chris-Chan. Like Chris-Chan, EDP is extremely fat, and I’m not talking a little husky. This guy is big enough to land a man-sized probe between the crack of his ass. Also like Chris-Chan, EDP is known to act obligatory toward his audience where he just throws a tandem bitch fit over trivial issues. And let’s not forget that he still lives at home with  a parental figure with no means of income and he has proven to have a massive ego that’s just about as large as his girth, if not bigger.

All in all, EatDatPussy445 is just another laughable idiot. Everything he says and does is just fun. And I don’t recommend anyone going after this guy. He doesn’t really deserve it.

 

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